On the Serenity Prayer

August 30, 2009 Homily for 5th Sunday Dinner on the Grounds

Having a genie that will fulfill all of our dreams, or as in some versions of this fantasy at least three of them, is an idea older than the Arabian Nights. Maybe we have had occasion at some time in our lives to think about how we would craft our three wishes to manipulate the genie and get the most from each wish. I admit I've thought about it. This little parable with a genie that fulfills one's every desire is a good illustration of the danger of having so much control. The control we think we may have over the world around us is really just an illusion. When we try to exert God-like control, even though we lack the wisdom and power of God, something is bound to go wrong. Choices we make can have unexpected and dangerous side-effects.

The ultimate lesson of the holy man in this parable, with his prayer beads, is that the wisest path for us is to still our hearts, let go of our need to have everything our own way, and turn our wishes over to God in prayer. There is a now-famous little prayer that expresses this idea in a most powerful way--the Serenity Prayer. You may be like me someone who says the words of this prayer often, or you may never have heard of it, but I think it is worth repeating now and pondering. Please say it along with me if you know it. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Let's think about what this prayer says to us. There are many things in life over which we have no control, and yet we will often preoccupy our minds with thinking about how to control them. If we had our own way, we would control the opinions of other people, their actions, what they think about us, how they treat us and others. We would control the environment around us, where we work and where we live, even the weather. We would control the events that trouble us or the illnesses that beset us. All of these are things that we have likely spent many hours of our lives fretting about, worrying over, or trying to fix. Yet, at some point, if sanity and serenity are to prevail, we have to admit to ourselves that we don't have real control over people, places, or things that happen. As the serenity prayer suggests, all we can do is accept that we cannot change such things, even though we want to. Such acceptance brings serenity, an inner peace. In that moment of acceptance, we are letting go of the illusion of control and admitting that God is really the only one in charge.

But such acceptance does not make us weak. On the contrary--when we stop the useless frittering away of our time by trying to do God's job, we are empowered to exercise the control we do have: control over ourselves. Why does the serenity prayer say that we need "courage to change the things we can"? I think that's because the real reason why we spend so much time preoccupied with the actions and faults of others is that we don't really want to face the things in ourselves that may need to change. It does take courage to look that deeply within, but that's where prayer and God's help can liberate us. When we examine ourselves and find some attitude that needs adjusting, we can work on it until we are free of its influence. True inner peace comes from acceptance of ourselves as well as of others.

Finally, the Serenity Prayer says that we need wisdom to know the difference between what we can change and what we cannot. Once again, prayerful inner examination will help us to make that discernment. In general, however, we will usually come around to the same conclusion: the only persons we have either the ability or the right to change are ourselves.

If we want to have peace of mind and joy, a habit of daily prayer, including God in our lives, is essential. How else can we have a true perspective on our lives? When we preoccupy our minds with worries, fears, and the need to control, we forget God's true place. Since those preoccupations are often about something that has already happened or something that may happen in the future, such thinking keeps us from living fully in the present moment. As Christ himself said, " Do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." When we don't focus on what is happening right here, right now, we miss what is real and important and exciting and beautiful about our lives. If we wish to encounter God, we will only find Him in the present. God is always with us, if we but turn to him.

If you are a fan of Forward Day By Day, you may have read a quotation attributed to Saint Francis de Sales in Friday's entry: "When you are not too busy, pray for a half hour every day; when you are too busy, pray for one hour every day." Letting go of the busyness of our lives and the anxieties that accompany such busyness is the best antidote for the stress of modern living. We can face and handle anything when we have grounded ourselves in God, who can help us through prayer to have a better and wiser perspective on everything. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."